Wednesday, March 3, 2010

letting go

I never knew until that moment how bad it could hurt to lose something you never really had.  ~ The Wonder Years

 Have you ever had to let go of a dream? Of hope? Of part of your life?

For several years, there's a dream I've been working towards. A hope. A light at the end. And I realized yesterday, like a punch in the gut, that it's not going to happen. Probably not ever, and definitely not how I dreamed it to be. 

I know, that I have to accept it. I know that I have to let go. But it feels like it changes everything. It feels like it spits on the last 5 years of my life and it turns the visions of my future - of my life - into fog. 

How do you let go of something that never existed outside of your mind? How do you mourn for something that never was? There is no closure. There's nothing to bury. It just disappears into the air, like it never was.

They say that time heals everything. You know, somewhere along the line the tears are mended, the broken pieces are taped back together. But what about a hole, a void, something that was never broken because it never existed? Can time fill up that emptiness? 

I suppose you move on the best you can. I suppose you fill the hole the best you can - with love and family and with all the blessings you already have. 

I suppose you can bury a dream. Write it down on your best paper. Wrap it up in your best fabrics. Place it in a beautiful box and bury it under your favorite tree. Go ahead and mourn for it- for you did love it. Visit it maybe, when you need to. But know that it's gone. 

image at anna loves

No comments: