Sunday, June 13, 2010

quote for the week.

" Decide what to be and go be it. "
                                                  ~ Avett Brothers

 Sounds so easy, doesn't it?

I really want to stay home and have more babies. Maybe go to school for a nutrition degree. But somewhere along the line, I lost interest in a career. Actually, I never had much interest in one. I think I just thought I was supposed to. Being a feminist and all. No letting the man keep you down. Who really wants to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen anyway? Right?

Me. Goodness, I long for it. I don't know where this all came from. I never cared about vintage linens or cooking from scratch or wearing an apron. I certainly didn't want to be tied to a home - cooking and cleaning and being home with no adult interaction all day. But now, that's exactly what I want. Really, work is getting in the way of all the other things I need to do with my life.

Sometimes I'm envious of people who like what they do. People who have a passion and go for it. Like it's somehow not enough to just want to have babies and have a garden and take care of your family. Like it's somehow turning my back on the 'sisterhood'. I got over that idea long ago. Choice is a good thing, you know?  But I mean, the truth is that even if I do get the opportunity sometime to stay home and hang laundry on the line with a baby on my hip - someday, that baby will be all grown up. And what will I do then? I don't know. Nothing interests me enough to want to spend the next 30 years doing it. That's why I'm leaning towards going to school for nutrition. I mean -  I have an accounting degree and a business degree and I like doing that stuff, I guess. But I don't love it. I don't know that I would love being a nutritionist either (especially following the USDA guidelines) but I do know that I read about nutrition and things for fun, so I mean that's a step in the right direction anyway.

And you know, the baby on the hip thing - I long for it. The sweet smell. The perfect fit of a child on your hip with their sweet baby head nestled against you. Sigh. I mean, I need the chance to stay at home and do the at home mom thing for a while. Need to.

I heard another quote a few weeks ago something like :Sure the grass is greener on the other side, but it still has to be mowed: And that's it I guess. Say I get the chance to stay home - how long before I'm crying that it's so hard to do all the housework and take care of the kids and I need to get out of the house? I guess that no matter which side your on, you always feel a little pull somewhere else . . .


courtney said...

i want to be huge pregnant with another baby. i miss breast feeding and seeing those tiny little fingers reaching out for nothing in the air while contently suckling away.
eric had a friend over the other night who was ranting about the stupidity of being a housewife, and the whole time i sat there quietly thinking that being a housewife is all i want. i want to sew and bake and teach my girls how to can and repair the car. i want to home school!
but the job thing is kind of necessary and so i resent it.

Sara said...

I actually just want more time. More time to do the stuff I enjoy. I envy your desire for more kids, for a baby. As each day passes and things get awesomer with my kids, I find the need is fading.

Becoming a nutritionist sounds like it would feed your passion. I hope you go for it.