" Decide what to be and go be it. "
~ Avett Brothers
Sounds so easy, doesn't it?
I really want to stay home and have more babies. Maybe go to school for a nutrition degree. But somewhere along the line, I lost interest in a career. Actually, I never had much interest in one. I think I just thought I was supposed to. Being a feminist and all. No letting the man keep you down. Who really wants to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen anyway? Right?
Me. Goodness, I long for it. I don't know where this all came from. I never cared about vintage linens or cooking from scratch or wearing an apron. I certainly didn't want to be tied to a home - cooking and cleaning and being home with no adult interaction all day. But now, that's exactly what I want. Really, work is getting in the way of all the other things I need to do with my life.
Sometimes I'm envious of people who like what they do. People who have a passion and go for it. Like it's somehow not enough to just want to have babies and have a garden and take care of your family. Like it's somehow turning my back on the 'sisterhood'. I got over that idea long ago. Choice is a good thing, you know? But I mean, the truth is that even if I do get the opportunity sometime to stay home and hang laundry on the line with a baby on my hip - someday, that baby will be all grown up. And what will I do then? I don't know. Nothing interests me enough to want to spend the next 30 years doing it. That's why I'm leaning towards going to school for nutrition. I mean - I have an accounting degree and a business degree and I like doing that stuff, I guess. But I don't love it. I don't know that I would love being a nutritionist either (especially following the USDA guidelines) but I do know that I read about nutrition and things for fun, so I mean that's a step in the right direction anyway.
And you know, the baby on the hip thing - I long for it. The sweet smell. The perfect fit of a child on your hip with their sweet baby head nestled against you. Sigh. I mean, I need the chance to stay at home and do the at home mom thing for a while. Need to.
I heard another quote a few weeks ago something like :Sure the grass is greener on the other side, but it still has to be mowed: And that's it I guess. Say I get the chance to stay home - how long before I'm crying that it's so hard to do all the housework and take care of the kids and I need to get out of the house? I guess that no matter which side your on, you always feel a little pull somewhere else . . .